My birthday project

On November 15th I celebrated my 28th birthday. I was in San Francisco on my own, so I decided to ask the world for some love, to make it a happy day :). I made a plan about how I was going to make it happen, which basically consisted on going out on the streets and asking random people for a hug, a picture or just a "happy birthday".  Did I follow the plan? Yes! Here are the results of what happened. Let me tell you in advance, what I experienced has been the most amazing experience of my life. It only took me some courage to get started, the rest were just beautiful moments.

It all started as a random idea during a chat with my best friend, a couple days before my trip to San Francisco. On the Saturday before my trip, we went out and did a mini test by telling a random guy about my project and asking him to take a picture with me. To my surprise he said yes!! So, with this I thought: "perhaps this could actually be a good idea". He not only said happy birthday, but had the kindness of encouraging me to really follow my plan.Thanks to Johannes, I got the courage of moving forward with the "birthday" project. This is Johannes!

In San Francisco, on my birthday, I left my room around 9:30 am and as soon as I got out the door, I saw a beautiful and sweet lady, who happened to be a worker from the hotel. So I put my self conciousness away and as planned, explained to her that it was my birthday and as if we were best friends, I asked for a hug... To my surprise, just like Johaness, she gave me the sweetest smile and in two seconds she was already giving me the hug. I knew, thanks to her, that it was going to be an amazing day! 

As I was walking out of the hotel, I saw the bell man. It is important to mention that on previous days, this amazing guy always offered me a smile, and on my birthday it was not the exception. I didn't think it twice and said "today is my birthday, could I get a hug?" To which he replied: "of course you can, we are humans and we all have a heart!". He gave me the warmest hug ever! 

As I took the streets of San Francisco, I saw a lovely family  on the street... They were selling newspapers. I stopped, looked at the mom and asked her "if I buy one, could I also get a hug? It's my birthday". She immediately put a smile on her face and asked the whole family to give me a hug. Picture this, 4 people hugging me in the middle of the busy streets of San Francisco. So I got a family hug from her and her 3 beautiful children :D. The moment was so lovely that 2 police officers stopped by and gave me a hug as well! I was 30 mins into my "birthday" project, and I already had  8 hugs! Amazing how love is out there, just waiting for us to ask for it! 

I kept walking and saw two homeless guys. I have heard that these guys tend to be very loving and caring, so without hesitation I told them it was my birthday and that I was collecting some hugs and love from people. Their reaction was by far the most incredible experience of my life. One of them gave me a massive hug and said "I am going to give You a gift, for your birthday", so he took out of his pocket 2 hand made rings and gave them to me. There I was, getting 2 gifts from a guy who has "nothing". I was not only receiving pure and genuine love, but a life lesson... 

After the amazing experience with these guys, I decided to make a stop for coffee. At the local coffee shop the barista said "happy birthday" and gave me a happy cup :).

I then headed to the Palace of Fine arts, where I met a Colombian family. Not only did they take a picture with me, but gave me their contact details to visit them in Colombia! :D Isn't that amazing?

While I was at the Palace of Fine Arts, I met with a friend I made during the tour to Alcatraz. Out of over 100 people on the tour, we were the only ones traveling solo haha so we made a team of two and explored jail together. On the morning of my birthday we exchanged some e-mails and met at the Palace of Fine Arts to then walk to the Golden Gate and have this amazing experience together. This is Jon, the amazing guy from Pennsylvania who said happy birthday, took a picture with me and joined me for half a day on my birthday! Again, amazing how people has so much love to offer!

It was 7:40 pm and I honestly thought my project was over... I mean, I received so so much from random people that I could not ask for more... But life is a box full of surprises! As I headed back to the hotel, I decided to make a stop at a bar... After all, it was my birthday and I deserved a drink :). So I asked the bar tender for a cosmo and said "please make it special, its my birthday", to which he laughed. It didn't take long for the guy sitting close to me to say "I am sorry, I over heard its your birthday, Let me get your drink... No one should pay for its own drink on its birthday". This move was followed by a -thank you- hug and many laughs, as the guy spoke some Spanish and started explaining how he was going to share the story with his wife. I didn't get a picture with this amazing guy, but he surely made my night! During the chat, another nice man joined the conversation and said happy birthday as well :).

Not only this was a fantastic experience, but the best birthday I have ever had. Apart from collecting many hugs, love and even gifts, I received the lesson of my life: love is out there in every single person that crosses our way, we just need to be open to receive it or ask for it and sometimes (perhaps most of the times) those with less are the ones that give more :)

Thanks to those who made my birthday a beautiful day, full of love and amazing surprises.

Give love. Be thankful. Appreciate.

God's forgiveness

It took me a year to gather the strength and have the courage to finally start the religious annulment process. Once you think you are fully over a situation or a person, life reminds you that absolutely every piece of your existence is kept somehow in your memory and in a very particular way, triggered by God knows what, you are able to experience each and every  sensation, all over again!

Sunday morning was the day I picked to finally fill the papers. I have had them for weeks and really, I just needed to "man up" to be done with it. On this day I chose a different coffee place (not the usual sbux), as I needed to be an unknown while filling the papers. I got a latte, which by the way had a beautiful heart on the foam (lovely barista, he made my day!). Took the papers out of the folder, and in a very 1990s style (because I was actually using a pen!), I started to answer the first question: my full name. Interesting how church takes forever to evolve! We are on the digital era and there I was, with pen and paper in hand. To be very honest, I can't imagine filling the annulment forms online (so distant and impersonal). I guess  there's an intimate touch when done by hand... Somehow seeing your own writing on a paper makes it more real. I finished writing my name and needed to move to the "called party" and that's when I couldn't help the tears. I almost felt ashamed of crying, I mean they were just asking for his name and I cried! Am I really this weak? I mean, this guy doesn't give a damn about me, it's been more than a year, we have never spoken again... Why on earth  was I crying? Of course thinking of him made me cry, but a part of me truly believes that somehow in my heart, I have the perception that this "legal" religious process, which I am about to face, is with God... I am asking God, through my church, to tell me if I can be forgiven... How NOT to cry??!! Who are we, man, to judge each other when it comes to faith? Who are we, man, to decide if another man deserves a second chance or not? Then what if they say no? What if my marriage was real and I won't have a second chance? What will I do? Will that mean I will be forever punished for my mistakes?

So here I am, looking for a document on earth which finally proves I did the right thing. A paper that says I am not a failure. A paper that states I am a good catholic and I did all I could to save my marriage. I want them to validate my actions. I want them to tell me that I won't be forever punished for my sins and mistakes. A paper that tells me I am free to love again. Is almost as if I need a document that states I am not as bad as I sometimes think I am.

I am not sure if I am doing this because I deserve a second chance or to wash my guilt and sins. 

Funny how immature our faith can  be... And extremely interesting how after a year of therapy, I still (every now and then) act my "old" patterns. I am a completely imperfect human, but that´s ok, I am learning to live every day.

On my sane hours I truly believe God has forgiven me already and in his endless love, he doesn't judge me. Is during those hours that I strongly believe I deserve to love and be loved again... We all do :)